I was being introduced to my new office at my new job.  My very small desk was filled with party supplies and my manager assured me that it would be taken care of right away but that I, in the meantime, should settle in and get acclimated. 

Janice, Bill, Rob, and I are going out to celebrate my new job but I am separated from the others and I am lost, confused, not sure what to do or where to go.  I finally realized that my best bet is to go back to our hotel room and wait there.  I arrive at the hotel and wait for Rob but he doesn’t show up.  I begin worrying.  What if I came back here too late or he doesn’t think to look for me there?  I am pacing and becoming increasingly distressed when I hear a noise in the next room and find Rob asleep, lightly snoring.  I’m hugely relieved and feel foolish for having not known that Rob would be there for me. 

I am flirting with Jason in the kitchen. Now that he and Mary are back together, I realize that to be her friend, he has to be in our lives.  So I am getting him to make something special for Mary, a dessert of some sort with frosting, whipped cream, or something similar.  But that is not my only reason for having him there.  I am clearly and easily seducing him.  He moves to grab me and I pull away, insisting he meet Rob.  We go to the other room where Rob is working on something.  I introduce Jason but Rob is not welcoming.  I can tell that Rob knows what is going on between us and is justifiably unhappy about it.  Jason goes back to the kitchen and I try to appease Rob even as I want to return to Jason in the other room.  I eventually give up, knowing Rob is too smart for me to fool him about my intentions. In the kitchen, Jason has done a meager job of decorating the cupcakes and proudly shows me his efforts. 

I was being told I had to go back to school even though I had missed so many days I hardly knew what we were studying and am my current age.  I think the whole thing is ridiculous but I get ready begrudgingly.  I put on makeup and my black top with the red roses on it.  I decide to take Romanov with me but I’m running late and my friend (or cousin) waits for me while also urging me to hurry.  I notice my lipstick has already faded but I don’t worry about that even though I haven’t brought any lipstick with me.  I get to the school where my friend/cousin tells me my boyfriend, who is significantly younger than I, is hanging out with a girl, someone closer in age, who is threatening to kick my ass. I find this amusing, given that I don’t see her as a threat because I don’t take my relationship with this boy seriously.  I should be getting to class, anyway, but I decide not to. 

I was being told I had to go back to school even though I had missed so many days I hardly knew what we were studying and am my current age.  I think the whole thing is ridiculous but I get ready begrudgingly.  I put on makeup and my black top with the red roses on it.  I decide to take Romanov with me but I’m running late and my friend (or cousin) waits for me while also urging me to hurry.  I notice my lipstick has already faded but I don’t worry about that even though I haven’t brought any lipstick with me.  I get to the school where my friend/cousin tells me my boyfriend, who is significantly younger than I, is hanging out with a girl, someone closer in age, who is threatening to kick my ass. I find this amusing, given that I don’t see her as a threat because I don’t take my relationship with this boy seriously.  I should be getting to class, anyway, but I decide not to. 

I am happily engaged to someone even as I’m being tempted by some guy I think is super cute.  My fiancé finds out and ends the engagement.  All of my friends are shocked and disappointed, commiserating and then they leave me alone.  When they leave, I realize that someone has done something to my door so that I cannot lock it or even keep it shut—both the lock and doorknob are gone.  I can shut the door but I know that the wind could easily blow the door open.  I try to sleep but I’m scared, worried that someone has intentionally left my door damaged, that someone will come in and assault me.  I get up to take the dogs out and, when I turn on a light, I see someone sitting outside in a pew.  The pew is actually overgrown with all sorts of plants, shrubs, and weeds.  She appears to be praying but, upon seeing me see her, she dashes away.  I’m afraid to let the dogs out back and consider taking them out the front door.   

I am lying in bed watching Jack Harkness as he moves around the kitchen.  I can see he is upset about something, his shoulders sort of sagging and hunched with some burden.  I realize, as I lie there, that I love him and have never told him how I feel.  I call him over and, at first, he doesn’t approach me.  But then he puts down whatever it is he is doing in there and comes over to me.  As he bends over where I’m lying he says, “I love you.”  I start to cry and confess that I was about to say the same thing.  He looks at me and I see he is crying, and I know it is because he has to make a decision that will be fatal to someone else, someone that may not deserve to live but also doesn’t deserve to die.  This is why he is so sad, why he is “going through the motions,” and why he wants me to know he loves me before he has to do this terrible thing.

I am at a chaotic gathering of friends and family when someone shows up from my past:  Veronica.  But it doesn’t look like her.  Instead, she looks like the actress from an episode of Angel.   Dark hair and petite.  It is morning the day after and people are beginning to leave.  She comes to me to say goodbye, giving me a hug, and saying she hopes we can get together soon, just the two of us.  She is reserved, almost aloof, but I think she’s sincere.  Soon I find that she’s left an odd clutch-sized object that looks like it’s made of metal, filigree.  I realize that it is an electronic wedding planner.  I didn’t know she had been planning on a wedding but I know that, because she left it behind, I’ll have to see her again.  I am both relieved to have an excuse to see her and feeling unattractive, fat and old by comparison.  As I clean up, I tell another friend about how Veronica and I know one another.  The story makes her cry, even as I describe how beautiful Evan was.